Real Women Cuss

Cusswords, just let em flow

Motherfuckin shit, goddamn ass hole

Cusswords, just don't quit

Motherfuck you damn shithead bitch

-The Prophet Too $hort

I was speaking with one of my best friends today when she mentioned a recent conversation with her boyfriend. It seems he was disgusted by a female relative who has a penchant for cursing. "That's just not lady-like" he commented.

Interesting.

I consider myself a true lady, a Goddess to be exact, but I certainly do my share of cussing. However, I generally reserve my cussing tirades for times when I am in the company of those I love the most. I recognize exactly how threatened society is of a vocal, passionate, opinionated woman. Add to the mix a highly educated, big-bootied, nappy-headed black woman and folks keep their fingers flexed and ready to press the second '1' in 911. Open your mouth and start cussing in public and white folks will be all set to jump your ass like they did Ms. Sophia when she knocked the spit out of a muthafucka's mouth.

There. I said it. Muthafucka. Or as a dear West African friend jokes, "mudda-na-fucker". Yes, I said it and the shit felt good. I remember vividly hearing my grandmother, great-grandmother, and mother making reference to folks using the "twelve letter word". You know kids like cuss words, and to hear your elders cuss is quite a treat! I seldom heard mine do so, but to hear them elude to a twelve letter cuss word truly made my heart palpitate! I could use that shit in my vocabulary! At that point the longest word I ever heard was Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious , even as a second grader I knew that shit was corny and completely culturally irrevelant.

The promise of this pearl, this linguistic holy grail consumed me. What could it be? My young mind raced! "Goddammit? No, not enough letters and the context is wrong. You can't call a person a goddammit. Asshole? Shit! Still not enough letters." This task kept me busy for a good while. But alas, that glorious day did arrive. I don't know where I was when I heard the sweet melody the first time. I don't know what degenerate actually said it in the presence of a child. I do remember when I heard it I knew it was nasty and I began to count to the letters: M-O-T-H-E-R-F-U-C-K-E-R.

EUREKA!

I believe this was the first time I fell in love. I have encountered few words which have charmed me as much as motherfucker (though I have been charmed by more than my share of motherfuckers *mental note for a later post*.) Armed with this new word I had to practice it (in my head of course!) and make it personal. Motherfucker? Hell no, only white folks say it like that and the shit sounds antiseptic. Muh-fucka? No. Didn't work for me, too masculine. I settled into a comfy muthafucka.

I love to cuss. You see nothing can quite emphasize your point like a well chosen, juicy ass cuss word. The closer I get to forty the more I define who I be! I have become more and more comfortable with myself. So comfortable in fact, I can imagine myself a 70 year old woman walking around with long ass, random curly hairs on my chin, an un-filtered cigarette dangling from my lip (I don't smoke, but the cigarette is requisite for the crusty old woman persona), farting and cussing at will. A disturbing image in some respects, but quite liberating all the same.

I love to cuss. Contrary to the opinion of some, cussers are not necessarily ignorant or lacking a developed vocabulary. I can express myself in a number of ways, but I have found when you start cussing bitches take note.

I love to cuss. Any muthafucka who doesn't like it can kiss my stank black ass.

Spoken like a real woman.