Dumb Asses Gone Wild!

Do you remember the story The Three Billy Goats Gruff? Remember the evil, gnarly, one-eyed troll who lived beneath the bridge and threatened anyone who attempted to cross the bridge? Yeah? Well that troll is me.

I used to wonder exactly when this transformation took place. I mean there was a time when I was pleasant baby--a real human baby, not a troll baby--who loved the company of people. This cute and cuddly baby grew into a cute and cuddly young woman who ripped and ran and fast as she could on a mission to see all the world had to offer.

Surely you remember what it was like. As a child I lamented my position, a child who depended solely on mother and father to take her on excursions outside the home. When my requests for new adventures were met with the "I'm tired" or "Maybe this weekend" responses I made a solemn promise to myself: When I grow up and have my own car I'm going to be gone all the time!

And so it was, for a while at any rate. But slowly, perhaps without me even being aware of it, my desire to spend as much time outside of my home as possible began to wane. My circle of friends grew smaller and smaller. I began to enjoy going to the mall, clubs, even movies with far less frequency.

Was it a traumatic event that forever changed the course of my life? Yes, but it's probably not as tragic as you may imagine. The more I lived, the more I experienced, the wiser I became I found myself confronted by an incontrovertible truth:

Stupid Muthafuckas Rule The World

I'm not talking standard issue stupid either. I mean these assholes wallow and frolic in their stupidity. And they are everywhere. Let me be a bit more specific, they WORK everywhere. If I only had to deal with them marginally, if I could somehow escape them I think I would be fine.

Why does this bother me so, you may ask? I had a great childhood with a wonderful, loving family. There is absolutely nothing I would change when it comes to my early years. I've learned as an adult some really ugly things go on in some families. Kinfolks cuss each other out, grown folks and children alike argue and fight one another, all sorts of shameful acts.

Don't get it twisted however, my family has their own brand of craziness. There were a few unorthodox child rearing practices going on to be certain. Your ass definitely got talked about, teased to the extreme. There were no insults for being too fat, too skinny, too dark, too loud. There were two major offenses my family would not tolerate: not keeping your ass clean and being an idiot. Sadly these are not things all hold dear.

So I stand in the year 2008 an evil, gnarly, one-eyed troll ever ready to kick the asses of the ignorant masses I encounter daily. I simply cannot deal with stank assed idiots, but it is not my fault. I come from a long line of like minded individuals. In the words of Juvenile, I get it from my mama...and my dadddy...and my grand mama...