'Twas the night before Christmas
And cold as a witch's tit
Moscado d' Asti flowing
So the Goddess was merry, jolly and all that other shit
I'm not going to lie to you all; there are no visions of sugar plums dancing in my head. Naw, not this chick. On this night, and untold others, I have some serious sexual chocolate dancing, shaking, and gyrating in my dreams. Yes, my dreams often come in the XXX variety.
Given I am a bit bawdy, when a friend sent me this dancing elf link I only toyed for a moment with adding faces of friends, pets, and the like. Uh-uh. Why not add the faces of a few at the top of my "He Could Hit It" list?
Hmmmm.
If only for a fleeting cyber moment, I could make them obey my will. I envision myself in a pseudo-santa, dominatrix get-up. Whip in hand barking out orders not to my reindeer, but my chocolate sex puppets. "Lick Djimon, suck Idris, nibble David, and Dennis!" If that's not the stuff of fantasies I don't know what is.
Fantasy. Inevitably you reach a crossroad in most new relationships where the man will ask, "Do you have a fantasy?"
Bitch, shut up.
The question is not do I have a fantasy. The questions are what is my fantasy, and will I share my fantasy with you?
Because I'm a lady, a goddess to be exact, I generally have two sterile responses from which to choose. How much I may like the new guy determines what response I will give.
Scenario A (I don't like your ass and discussing fantasies is absurd because you will never even touch my left titty):
New Guy: "Do you have a fantasy?"
[In]Urbane Goddess: "No."
New Guy: "For real? Okay, do you want to know mine?"
[In]Urbane Goddess: "No."
Scenario B (I am definitely interested in you, but not yet ready to bring out my latex and whips):
New Guy: "Do you have a fantasy?"
[In]Urbane Goddess: "Of course. Everyone has a fantasy."
New Guy: "True, true. So what is it?"
[In]Urbane Goddess: "I have this fantasy where I make love on the beach in the rain."
Okay, so you and I know that's a bunch of bullshit, but what am I supposed to say? In my fantasy I travel to a distant island where every man has a deep, heavy, melodic accent. One steamy night I take a stroll on the beach alone and strike up a conversation with Didier. Later, when it begins raining, I invite him back to my room - along with his boys Francios, Jean-Pierre, and Noel? Dammit, that's a fantasy. Fuck what you heard!
But alas, I cannot say these things because *mustering my best Sheneneh impersonation* I'm a lady. So instead I shall climb into bed with visions of my virtual, chocolate sex puppets dancing in my head. "Lick Djimon, suck Idris, nibble David and Dennis..."
Merry Christmas!
7 comments:
I know that's right!!! You know...when I'm asked the fantasy question, the response in my head is usually "right now I'm fantasizing about kicking your ass," but the one I usually verbalize is "trust me, if and when I want to share, you won't even have to ask!" That usually puts 'em in their place while giving them a little something to hope for.
Oh...Merry Christmas!
Mymuse2,
"right now I'm fantasizing about kicking your ass,"
That damn near killed me! You are just too funny, kid. :-)
I hate when men ask you what your fantasy is. I hate it even more when they don't do anything about it! I don't even ask what the hell their fantasy is because it's always the generic ass 'threesome' fantasy. I only had one take initiative and handle my ass on a hot ass roof lol
Ms. Lovely,
And you know this, maaan! They only have one fantasy, so please don't trouble me with that bullshit. We will be dealing with that foolishness in a future post. I love your blog :-) Thanks for stopping by.
I can't count how many times i've been asked to participate in that fuckery. I'm like "nigga you better hire some hookers!" Thanks lovely, I love your blog too! and i added ya :)
Girl... I am so feeling your elves... especially Idris... and was never a big fan of david banner's until i saw him revite that poem at the BET hip hop awards... he was looking quite scrumptulous that night!
Fantasize on this!...that's what I tell'em when they come out the bag with that threesome shit!...at least that is what I say in my head. What I really do is hit'em first with "I bet you want a threesome, huh?" Dude is like, yeah! Of course you do....predictable.
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